When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
is it fun? or sober?
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