yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
