Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
