We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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