he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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