I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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