just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize