Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
