Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
