There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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