Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My dick has a subreddit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have already put on my inside pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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