brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The struggles of a small town man whore
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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