I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
