This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
