It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
