Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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