Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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