I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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