i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
