This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
