My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
