pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
