you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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