i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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