literally had 100 drinks last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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