im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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