She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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