wakey wakey hands off snakey
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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