worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
