Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
