All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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