So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
