How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
