Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
