So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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