Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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