It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sext me about skeletons
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
