hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
