after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
