I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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