dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize