Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize