just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
