Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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