We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
