He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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