Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
