yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize