Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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