k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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