very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
