I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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