I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
