i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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