Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
