why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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