It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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