I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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