Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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