im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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