Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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