I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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