If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
