Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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