I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
