How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
