And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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