the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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