im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
