I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
how drunk are you?
Several
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
