Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
