Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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