This girl is more easily done than said...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
