please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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