I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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