just tell him i said nine months
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
