OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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