Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
