In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
