dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize