You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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