I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize