saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
