He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize