We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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