Umm I'm too high to move.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
