At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
