pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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