the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
