Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
