i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
