I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
