It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
