You're my little dorito
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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